Loretta Lynn & the Future

What's up, three high class readers? I am back in Minneapolis after being home for 'merica weekend, following Roy family tradition of gathering to celebrate this most sacred holiday. I felt sicko for 98% of the day today, but finally caught a second wind of health about an hour ago. I really haven't been treating my body right, so I decided to start by visiting my dearest Emily at work at Birchwood Cafe. All their food comes from local farmers, thus helping rebuild Minnesota's shitshow of an economy right now! Mmm government shutdown. So here I am, bloggin' at the Birchwood, wondering if there is any way I could physically be more hip. I think I maxed out. But it's awesome, because I have reached my maximum hipness at a way lower level than almost anyone else here! Advantage: Alicia. Disadvantage: Minnesota, the hippest state in the Union.

Anyway, anyway. This post is about Loretta Lynn, AS IT SHOULD BE. I went to see this country goddess at Summerfest whilst home in Milwaukee, and let me tell ya--homegirl still has it. Oh, does she ever! At 79 (or something old), she was up on stage in a huge purple sparkly country queen gown, sounding just as wonderful as I remember her in my childhood. The concert started with 20 minutes of confusion as her kids or daughters or someone that I now hate opened for her with the pop country bullshit that sounded like a bitter, aging Taylor Swift who just happened to have a twin. Honey, just because you are named after Patsy Cline doesn't mean you can pretend that gives you any legitimacy.

Moving on. Loretta gets on stage, killin' it from the first note. She is charming, personable, and as I may or may not have yelled at her 3-4 times, "LORETTA, YOU ARE A QUEEN AMONG PEASANTS!!!" That being said, the crowd around us was not half as enthusiastic as we were, leading me to believe they are terrorists or something. Who comes to a Loretta Lynn concert to stand still and glare at the stage? Terrorists. (This will probably get me on the government watch list. GOVERNMENT, this is meant to be humorous and not an actual accusation of terrorism! Very important distinction!!) Some country young man who apparently sang before Loretta came onstage to do a duet with her, and as he kissed her on a cheek I was also prompted to shout, "GIT IT, LORETTA!" which led to me receiving more glares.

I guess I should mention we were pretty far back and there was no way Loretta could hear my enthusiasm, but you should also know that has never stopped me before. She deserves this encouragement, whether she can hear it or not! Some 98% of Loretta Lynn songs are about her husband cheating on her or being drunk or stealing her money. So, yeah, I WILL applaud when some hot young southern boy kisses her. I will applaud it loudly.

Speaking of hot young... oh wait. When Taylor and I went to the concert, we assumed/hoped/dreamed there would be some hip young menfolk there. This is a fair assumption, since hipsters like old country. I am unsure why this has become a thing, but it apparently has. However, none showed their hip little faces nor their lanky frames at Summerfest that night. Missed Connection: Anyone Attractive at Loretta Lynn?!?!

Theme of the night: shouting and swaying, sometimes at the same time.

Now to the second part of this bad boy of a post: the future. I feel like I have gotten into a good rhythm with the ol' blog. Starting this week, you can expect to be introduced to my miniseries about television (get it?!), and coming soon will be another music post. But also, I seek your guidance, dearest three readers. What would YOU like to read about here? Suggestions, recommendations, etc., would all be appreciated. I have a plethora of useless information up in my noggin, and any excuse to bust it out will be jumped on.

Have a beautiful evening!