Instead of talking about how I'm sorry I haven't posted and blah blah blah, I... just won't. However, I AM sorry that I haven't been lazy for cool reasons like "I was being social" or "I found my Sims 3 disk" (I think it's at my parents'), but most of my time in front of a computer screen has been spent watching TV shows. Thus, I will tell you what I have gathered from these shows as a single female, on the off chance that you are a real person that does not have time to sit and watch hours on end of programming for your dating tips. You're welcome, because I'm assuming these will all help me in the real world, if they haven't already.
NOTE: I'll try and keep anything spoiler-y super vague, but don't get mad at me, guys.
GAME OF THRONES
-If your brother bargains you off in an arranged marriage war deal and your marital relationship begins with rape, it's okay, you'll fall in love later
-...After a slave girl teaches you sex (???)
-Incest is cool
-The children that result from incest only have the genetic disorder of being complete assholes
-The two most attractive men on the show have either taken a vow of celibacy or are promised to Mr. Filch's uggo daughter, so lower your standards or die alone
-Trust no bitch
-Don't be a prostitute, unless you're into guys I have nicknamed Lizardface McCrazyeyes
BOARDWALK EMPIRE
-Hot Irish guys are hot
-Don't date anyone too important, because either you or he will almost certainly end up dead
-Be beautiful and complain to Steve Buscemi and he will love you and solve all your problems (I believe this has the most real-world application)
-Mad at your husband? Cut your hair off and have a lesbian affair!
-It's not weird to have a loving relationship with a considerably older man who also molested you when you were twelve
-Accidentally sleep with your mom? JOIN THE ARMY
-Don't be a prostitute, unless you're into severe face wounds
DOWNTON ABBEY
-Oh, you like that guy? He's gay
-If you sleep with a man, he will literally die immediately afterward, and you'll have to deal with a body
-Making too much eye contact is slutty
-When taking your third cousin on a date (rich people do weird shit), apparently touring old churches is not the sexiest of activities
-Never actually act on feelings, because life is built on cool accents and SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION (this applies to all UK television as well)
30 ROCK
-You can be really into food (but not like in an adventurous way, just in a cheese way) and not into wearing clothes that aren't a sweatshirt, but you still hook up with James Marsden, James Franco, and JON HAMM. Like Don Draper Jon Hamm. Like Jon Hamm of Jon Hamm's John Ham. Liz Lemon gives hope to all!!
WHAT I HAVE GATHERED IN GENERAL:
I think I need an at least vaguely Irish accent, access to dragons, and direct access to Jon Hamm to have a successful love life. Otherwise, cats.
