The 5 Benefits of Getting Dumped

As I typed the title of this post, I did, in fact, lol, because it sounds like complete bullshit. Hear me out, dear readers, hear me out.

With every even quasi-relationship I have been involved in, I have been the dumpee. Frankly, I have also 9/10 times been, uh, "let go" in kind of intensely bad ways. Like, a wee bit extreme, fellas. Unclear on what this says about me, have narrowed it down to a few likely options: (A) I am a truly insufferable human, destined to CATS and BAGS forever, (B) I am forever maybe too optimistic things will work out, (C) I know things won't work out, but I get lazy and think it's easier to deal with mediocre than go through the act of breaking things off. Praying to all gods and dark lords alike that it is not option (A), and chances are high that it has more to do with option (C).

Now that we have established my potentially unfortunate expertise in this dark, dark field. I proceed with my logic:

Statistically, it is less likely for you to look like/be the bad guy when you get broken up with. (I'm excluding scenarios of ~*dump that cheater*~ because I ain't no cheater and have no experience in said types of break ups.) Even if/when you see it coming, a break up is never easy, and, hell, it's really nice to be able to logically play the victim for a second. I am much less likely to deliver grilled cheeses to my friend when she decides to break up with her lovely boyfriend than when my lovely friend gets dumped and clearly needs hot cheese.

Now, I fully understand that there are types of people who are probably a lot stronger than I am and can detect when a relationship is over and end it. You are strong. I'll bring you hot cheese. You deserve it too. You probably are already aware, however, that you run the risk of looking like the emotional bully. You might deserve double hot cheese for this burden. OR, you might just actually be a bully and deserve no cheeses, heated or otherwise. I don't know your life.

Those who dump you in rude ass manners turn into anecdotes. I am able to write this in a lighthearted tone and jest about my experiences not because I am particularly evolved or beyond feeling sadness (if you have read literally anything else I have ever written, it's 98% about crying) because of just how ridiculous some of this shit was. People who have meant so much to me trickle down to anecdotes of "the guy who dumped me [insert scenario here]." While this can be sad, it can also be oddly empowering. Yes, these people meant a lot to you at one time in one place. However, if they cut you out of their life in some extreme and/or dickish manner, they totally deserve to be diluted into a story you tell you friends. Be warned, however, that the transition period between these two extremes really fucking blows. Going from feeling like you know someone inside and out to referring to them to your friends not by their name but by "the guy who dumped me on Valentines Day" (or whatever the situation might be) is a painful process, at least at first.

Ball is in your court for later friendship. I am, in general, a potentially too forgiving person. I have no problem with the idea of forgiving, forgetting, and being friends with exes. However, the control freak part of me genuinely loves the fact that when I am the one that got dumped, that ball is way more in my court than theirs. Like when another Sim starts a fight with your Sim and you can decide if you want to Appreciate-Compliment them or Fight. Like that, but with humans. I digress. Anyway, healing time is not only important, but necessary.

Let me emphasize the LATER friendship part here, because I am of the belief that you shouldn't be friends with your ex immediately. Yeah, exceptions, blah blah blah, but 99.9% of the time it is a terrible idea. I have tried this, and every time we hung out/talked as "friends" at least 1/2 of involved parties left crying. This includes after ICE CREAM. Literally no human is supposed to cry post-ice cream, I know that from science.

You're allowed a grace period of petty. When you have been broken up with, you are allowed a grace period in which you may roll your eyes, scoff, and otherwise make a big deal at the mention/sight/sound of your ex. The grace period depends entirely on the length of the relationship at hand, how bad the break up was, etc. I've been working on a precise equation, but it's a tough one. Basically, you're allowed to be a little immature if you need to, because sometimes that helps when dealing with shitty situations, and the world should understand that and roll its eyes with you. However, don't be a dick. Yeah, your ex dumped you. Yeah, he/she is seeing someone else now. Maybe you are still single, but that's not their fault. Maybe you are happy with someone else. You're allowed a single eye roll at their new Facebook-official relationship, and then you gotta let it lay, baby. You'll drive yourself crazy if you don't.

There are so many good break up songs. Like, so many. Rarely are they about healthy, mutually beneficial break ups, either. If you want to build a fort, call it "Heartbreak Hotel", and listen to an absurdly long playlist of break up songs, that is a goal you can logistically achieve. I won't even judge you [aloud] if one of your songs is Gotye's overplayed heartache gem "Somebody I Used to Know". I feel you, bro. Personal favorites include "The Bad In Each Other" by Feist and "Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams.

See? It's not so bad, kiddos. Well, even if it is, it doesn't have to stay bad. Until then, eat whatever dairy products you want and believe every friend and loved one that tells you how you are "too good for them, anyway" because you probably are.

A Timely Review: The OC 01x09 "The Heights"

There are spoilers, you guys!!

Episode 9, Season 1. Back to school at Harbor High!!! It's Ryan's first day at his new school with all the ~*rich kids*~ so that's like, REALLY stressful for him. Marissa is torn between her cheating ex Luke and the ever-brooding Ryan. Seth Cohen is doing something adorable. Sandy Cohen's eyebrows are there.

Sandy Cohen w/ his eyebrows

This episode, like every episode, really enlightens the view to teen dramas/struggles that every teen realistically goes through as a teen. I remember when my environmental lawyer dad had to sue my mom's wealthy construction firm and they fought about it and it was really weird.

The above portion was a comedy joke pointing out how The OC is not relatable on many levels to 98% of the population. However, whenever the Anna/Seth/Summer love triangle is taking place I find myself shouting at the TV like a Jerry Springer audience member or doing this a lot. I just... I feel Anna so hard on this one, y'all. Like, I GET that Seth and Summer are "meant for each other" and when Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson broke up in '06 I knew true love wasn't real, but Anna is my GIRL. Nerdy teen girl who gets friend-zoned by a cute nerdy guy? Been there, girl, BEEN THERE. The amount of times I have thought "DON'T CRY ANNA YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER COHEN DOESN'T GET IT!" is greater than twelve, pretty easily. Just WAIT from my review on the Christmukkah episode, coming sometime in the next year or two, or whenever I drink a bottle of wine and watch The OC as part of my observation of "Sad Sunday" again (read: next Sunday??).

Ugh, let's be real, Anna KISSES Seth at the carnival thing in this episode and he thinks she is still trying to help him get Summer. Um, no, you dumb ass. Also, Seth giving her his prize (a sock monkey aw) probably made the rest of her night terrible because she was pining. No, I'm NOT projecting my own experiences and feelings onto this show that is a really rude assumption thanks but no thanks.

What I'm saying is, fuck Seth Cohen. Anna forever. Some other things happened in this episode probably but whatever.

Holy shit this is actually a shot from the right episode. The research department did a really great job at getting this. The entire staff of this blog is so proud!!! ANNA YOU MY GIRL THO.