To Whom It May Concern:
While the phrase “pity party” is generally attached to a
rather negative connotation, I would like to take this time to state my case
for why the occasional pity party is both healthy and beneficial. I have
compiled a list of reasons, and I will share them with you now.
1. Just get it the fuck other with. If something shitty
happens, or you get drunk and your feelings come out, or frankly anything
occurs that prompts the slightest bit of self-pity, I highly recommend dealing
with it immediately rather than letting it linger. If you feel badly about
anything, the chances are self-pity will follow at some point, unless you are a
robot. You can wallow forever a little bit, or lock yourself in a room with a
pizza and bottle of wine and a friend to make bracelets with now.
2. Your friends are required to attend, so you’re not alone.
If your friends are even halfway decent humans, they are required by laws of
friendship to stand by you with black balloons and Kleenex while you throw your
pity party. My personal recommendation is to keep this list of people small,
because self-pity ain’t cute. For sure to not invite anyone you might be
romantically interested in ever.
Even if you’re someone who would prefer to wallow alone, I
really must emphasize not… doing that. If you’re already feeling shitty and you
don’t allow anyone to help you, you’re just going to increase the ratio of
rubbish to not rubbish feelings and end up being lonely and spiraling. This is
not ideal.
3. It is important to not downplay whatever it is that is
making you upset. As previously stated, I am sort of awesome at doing the
opposite of this. Even as a champion of the pity party cause, I frequently
catch myself apologizing for being bummed about something or denying things are
issues. It is okay to cry about shit, even if it is stupid. It can be the
dumbest thing ever, but it is legitimate if it is making you upset. It is
imperative that you do not downplay that.
Everyone has something that they are particularly sensitive
to. Apparently my weakness is when a ~*boy*~ hurts my feelings, I revert back
to being an irrational 13-year-old girl. I say phrases like, “I just really
wanted him to like me!” and “friend zone” and I’m not joking and my friends
listen and nod politely until it is over. In the far too recent past, my tactic
was to drunkenly call three of my closest friends crying, eat an unacceptable
portion of Toppers, and watch only the first half of Bridget Jones’s Diary, like right before things start turning
around and right after Hugh Grant cheats on her with the skinny American. (“I
GET IT, BRIDGET. SKINNY BITCHES!!”) During the last activity I tend to also
narrate the movie as if it is my future, except my version is even bleaker due
to the lack of post-BBC babe but pre-silver fox Colin Firth. I end on the
conclusion that no life that dark is worth living if you don’t even get to look
at 2001 Colin Firth. Or any Colin Firth. Then I shut my computer and walk away
and now that is a thing you know about me and can never un-know.
I share these uncomfortably personal tales of self-pity
because I really do feel like it’s important to realize that everyone does it
to some extent. While I do not condone wallowing indefinitely, and even
encourage friends to tell friends to “get over it” at some point, I must
reiterate that if you feel like you need a pity party, you probably do.
I will close with a few requests/demands for those who may
be invited to someone else’s pity party:
1.
Never ever make someone feel stupid for what
they are upset about. It may seem irrelevant to you, but it clearly is not to
them.
2.
Do gently tell your friend if they are being
irrational. Emphasis on gently. It’s important to know that, even though being
upset is totally acceptable, your crazy might be spilling out and it’s good to
keep that inside (usually).
3.
Bring whoever is sad food. This is a cliché that
holds true. If nothing else, cakes soak up tears well.
Thank you for reading, and I hope this has served you well.
Sincerely,
Alicia Roy
