Valid and slightly less valid reasons for skipping class

For most of us collegiate types, it's week two or three of class. Thus, it's no longer "if-you-don't-show-up-to-class-you're-out" first week. Thus, almost everyone I know has already skipped at least one class, and yes, this does include me. My Catholic guilt complex can make skipping class difficult, so I have compiled a list of excuses with varying levels of validity that you may use for when you will not be attending class and want to feel less bad about it.

1. You're sick. Don't be that dick that goes to class when they are so clearly contagious and loud and annoying and coughing on everyone. Stay in bed.
2. You will fall asleep. You're running on three hours of sleep, forgot to get coffee, and you can feel your eyes getting heavy. Trust me, you will feel worse if you go to class and are head-bobbing. Sleepy kids in class get judged by others, and those others are normally me.
3. Your professor is kind of cracky. When I say "cracky", I am referring to those instructors that will talk and talk, and about 1/5 of their words have anything to do with what's on the syllabus. Yeah, dude, your grandkids' antics are cute as shit, but unless you're testing me on how good they are at coloring, these past 20 minutes are sort of wasteful. I feel like an ass thinking in this manner, but then I look at my tuition bill and just feel a combination of poor and irrationally entitled.
4. The lectures are online. Fuck ya'll, I'll take notes on this at a more reasonable hour.
5. Your bed is so comfy. I know mine is.
6. You took your pants off after you got home and now you have night class but it's socially unacceptable to leave the house without putting pants back on. This may only apply to me, but it is a really, really legitimate reason to bail on literally anything. I just hate pants.
7. You're overwhelmed with how much stuff you have to get done, so instead of doing it, you curl into a ball and go to sleep. I'm not proud of this, but it's my panic mode reaction. When my to-do list gets too long, it's perma-nap time until I feel rested enough to deal with all the thoughts and feelings.
8. You're too smart for this class. You're probably not, sorry, but every once in a while you're allowed to be irrational.
9. You went out last night and now it is morning and why is the sun so bright? I'm a big fan of going out on weeknights, because I hate "crowds" and "people" and the like. So when you wake up and the outside world is bright and under your covers is dark, I get it.
10. It's morning. I have come to a point where I realized I only have a couple years to live in this dream where not being a morning person is okay, and I can schedule my life accordingly. However, I hate morning so much that even an 11 AM class can seem too early. Sue me.
11. FOR THA LADIES: You have cramps. Eat ice cream and just don't get out of bed for like 24 hours and it'll be fine.
12. FOR THA LADIES PT. 2: Makeup is hard and hair is everywhere. It is, and it can be. If you can't manage your bare minimum routine (that we all have, don't even pretend you don't) and find an acceptable hat in enough time to get to class, I get it. We all get it.
13. It's cold. I have gone to school in Minnesota and Wisconsin, so I am not talking about some sort of relative "it's cold FOR FLORIDA" bullshit, I mean like real cold. You're telling me I have to go outside in this to go to school? Uh, no. You can find me in the fetal position in front of my space heater, weighing the risk/reward of bringing it into bed with me. (Yeah, the house will be on fire, but fire is SO WARM.)

We'll end it on lucky number thirteen before this gets out of hand, but you see my point. Less than half of these are actual valid excuses for not going to school that you/your parents/the government (you dicks) are paying good money for, but in the moment they seem like the most valid thing in the world. Other notable options include: avoiding terrible class auditors, some guy kept taking pictures of the back of your head on his phone during lecture and you think he may kill you (a thing that has happened), you're hungry, etc.

NOTE: I am actually a fairly good student, thanks. Read: This note is mostly directed at my mom.