I love Television, Pt. 1: Arrested Development ("Her?") & Shark Week

Preface: If you read my last post, you might know that I have a case of the crazy eye (broken blood vessel). This is still an issue in my life.

CALL ME OL' MAD EYE

It's getting better, but I secretly think it's kind of bad ass. Obviously, I assumed it was from a bar fight I didn't know happened, but when I looked it up, this is what I found: ‎"Subconjunctival hemorrhage often occurs without any obvious harm to your eye, or it may be the result of a strong sneeze or cough that caused a broken blood vessel." Obviously, I am livid. This formerly bad ass wound that looks like a Death Eater got all up in my grill is the result of a SNEEZE?! I call bullshit on you, life.

Completely unrelated to the "Mad Eye" or "Death Eater" reference, but I'm still really into mah boi HP. So, uh, just stay aware of that throughout these next couple of weeks. Hypothetically, HP2 is playing right next to this window as I type.

NOW, REAL POST, Pt. 1:

If you have ever met me, you know that I conduct many conversations with most quotes from Arrested Development. If you haven't met me, I'm really witty and come up with everything funny by myself.

But in as close to complete seriousness as I can muster up on this topic, AD is potentially the funniest show you'll ever see. I'm talking to YOU, three readers of mine. Before I get to my carefully chosen selection of YouTube clips, I will attempt to use words to describe why this show was/is/will forever be so great. (That's what blogs are, right?)

1. The jokes build upon themselves and the plotline, creating incredibly intelligent humor.
2. Will Arnett saying anything
3. Bob Loblaw, Attorney at Law
4. Ron Howard narrates the show. This is the coolest thing Ron Howard has done since "Happy Days" or any of the other cool things he has done. (A Beautiful Mind is really good too and also Frost/Nixon. Fine, Ron Howard is just really cool.)
5. See photo at right

I now am pleased to offer some of my favorite AD clips. Watch, giggle, if you're anything like me watch ten more times, etc.

If you're not convinced that you need to watch this show now, I probably can't trust you. It is my own personal law. May our friendship RIP. :(

Pt. 2 - THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!:

July 31 begins Shark Week, bitches. Explaining Shark Week feels almost condescending, since it is exactly what it sounds like--a week of shark-based programming. I get really, really into it. For example, every time I have gone out in the past two weeks I have explained that I'm "pregaming for Shark Week".

I now offer you, Shark Week tips + drinking game! You can use any variation of these as you would like.

• Make score cards 1-10. These are useful for shows about sharks jumping in the air, chomping at creatures, etc. Hold up cards as need be. To make part of drinking game: uh, drink with the other hand
• Drink every time they use chum
• Drink whenever they use a steel cage to look at sharks.
• Drink twice whenever a shark rams into said cage
• Drink every time a tourist gets its life fucked by a shark (read: mauled)
• Drink for every underwater camera shot showing a surfer or someone swimming
• Drink every time someone says "prey"
• Drink for every shark survival tip
• Drink twice if it's the most obvious thing you've ever heard
• Drink for every "local shark historian" and finish your drink if you think that's not the best job you've ever heard of, because you're an asshole
• Drink for every Australian interviewed
• You should be drinking Landshark beer or some other liquid with the word "shark" in it

Alright, kiddos. That's what I've got for ya. If you don't hear from me for a few days, I'm either working or doing any number of things in the above list.