Serious Boyfriend Potential: Pt. 2

If you need a recap on Pt. 1. Pt. 2 is short and sweet, you're welcome.

Candidate #7:

Name: Patrick Fugit (preferably circa 2002-06, if time travel is an option)

Profession: Actor/teen crush of this blogger

First date: Since I assume he is 17 forever, he will likely pick you in his mom's minivan. You'll get milkshakes and drive to a parking lot so you can watch him do cool skateboard tricks. It will be boring, but since you just recently got your braces off and boys just started talking to you, you'll be into it. Plus, he has long hair, so he's alternative.

Length of relationship: 3 weeks. He says it was getting too serious, but you are fairly certain his mom just wouldn't let him borrow the van so much. 

What you learned: Names of cool skateboard tricks, that starring in Almost Famous so young likely left Mr. Fugit with a very skewed interpretation of dating.

Candidate #8:

Name: DRACO MALFOY (Er, Tom Felton)

Profession: Evil, actor, peroxide addict

First date: Since I assume he just is Draco in real life (movies are real, right?), there's probably a lot of hexing involved. Dark wizard-tivities, silent curses, audible curses. Romance, mostly curses.

Length of relationship: 2 months. You realize that he has been using your toning shampoo and replacing it with water.

What you learned: So, so many spells. There can only be one blonde in a relationship.

Candidate #9:

Name: Peter Dinklage

Profession: Actor, wearer-of-armor

First date: Fine wine, discussion of literature, trying to slip Game of Thrones quotes into conversation without him noticing.

Length of relationship: 4 dates. You get too drunk and start chanting "HALF MAN HALF MAN HALF MAN" which is apparently offensive, though it's just a reference to his Emmy-winning role. Whatever, bro.

What you learned: You're apparently an incredibly offensive person.

Candidate #10:

Name: Justin Townes Earle

Profession: Musician, country stud

First date: Dinner, too many drinks, likely some light heroin.

Length of relationship: No way of actually telling. Tumultuous, on-and-off for a while. So much heroin. You want to "fix him", realize that's stupid, and the cycle continues.

What you learned: You can't actually "fix" a human, heroin is bad, tall people are tall.