I am almost always late to the party, because I like to watch shows in marathon form. Thus, I just finished season 1 of The Walking Dead. Working on season 2 this moment. I feel like I have already learned so much from this show, and I must share it with the world, or the three people that read this.
1. RACISTS DIE FIRST. Or at least get abandoned first. Don't be a racist, you'll get left the fuck on a rooftop. Reformed racist, you're cool. Also if you are sexist, you'll get eaten by zombies first. Or, if you like mermaids.
2. Women are stupid and incompetent and just the worst. Here's my theory: all the writers of walking dead are recently-divorced men whose wives cheated on them and hate women now. Every female character on this show starts out annoying and ends up absolutely insufferable. Coming from someone who cries literally at the drop of a hat, these bitches cry way too much. It's apocalypse times, not feelings times. How do your tear ducts even have any juice in them? Haven't you been out of water for days?
My favorite thing is also cracky wife (Laurie? I hate everyone) being so bipolar with all men. "Leave me and my son alone!" and "Why are you giving me the cold shoulder?!" BECAUSE YOU ARE CRAZY. YOU ARE ACTUALLY CRAZY. Your hair has remained a nice texture despite the lack of showering and probable humidity. "You can't leave me again! But go save that kid! But don't leave me. YOUR SON." This woman says every thought process she has ever had, and none of them are rational. She's a hormonal teenage girl with a dash of bipolar and a whole lot of cheating ho.
Even when the ladies are supposed to be having a ~*light fun moment*~ and joking about missing their vibrators (OMG ZOMBIE SEX AND THE CITY LOL), they're the worst. Maybe it's also in the casting? Does anyone know? I want to keep watching this show, but it's actually driving me crazy.
Then blond daddy-issues sisters make me want to dye my hair for sheer shame's sake. This is all I will say on the matter. You should know what it means.
3. Your libido will be fine despite the end of the world. My major issue with season 1 is the whole love triangle. Okay, it's the end of the world, you assume your husband has just died and you think he's a zombie. What do you do? Oh, start banging his best friend? WHAT?! Call me crazy, but I feel like nothing kills the mood quite like "zombie apocalypse". Everyone is dirty, hungry, thirsty, and perma-camping, and these fuckers are worried about getting in a quicky? Also, the high risk of zombie attack.
4. You honorable? You bein' nice? You about to get yelled at. Once again, it'll be by the ladies. I really can't emphasize how much I hate how the female characters on this show are written. The obnoxiously honorable main dude (who, yes, is the guy from Love Actually that is in love with Keira Knightley) gets yelled at basically every episode for the crackiest of reasons. Same goes for Hawaiian shirt guy.
5. Science is hard. Alright, here's my real issue. I want to know the origin of this zombie virus. I Am Legend provides a solid back story that Walking Dead apparently thinks we can't handle. I CAN HANDLE IT, AMC. There was a golden opportunity when they made it to the CDC, and we got to see cool pictures of brains goin' undead, but that's it. And even that scene was ruined by immediate feelings talk. I want zombies, straight science, and the tiniest bit of character drama. Walking dead, not talking living.
All that being said, I'll let you know how season 2 goes. I am a fickle creature, but I love television.
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