Alter Egos

I am really, really thankful for Nicki Minaj. Not only is her OPI nail polish line mostly glitter, but she has made it less crazy and more okay to admit that you have alter egos. Guys, I think we're at this point in our relationship. I feel safe with you, ya know?! Please don't break up with me right after you read this, but I'd like you to meet my alter egos. Top three get explanations.

DJ Disappointment: DJ DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE HOOOOUUUSE!!! Santa isn't real. Yeah, you got a request? I can definitely play that shit... NOT.
Most frequently seen at: parties, sporting events, whenever I have control of the music
Speciality: Classic 90s humor of saying "...NOT" after things (never gets old!!!)

DJ Only-Plays-Bossy-by-Kelis: Exactly what it sounds like. No, they're not all DJs, asshole.
Most frequently seen at: Similar to above, whenever I get to pick the song. Usually whiskey brings DJ OPBbK out faster.
Speciality: Disarming enemies through the power of dance and overall BOSSINESS. Also, can wear heels without injury to self or others.

Alicia Malfoy/Fake Aubrey Plaza: For the dark, evil, witchy times. Mostly involves a lot of glaring and dry sarcasm. New additional trait!!: Glancing at my dark mark tattoo as if a threat to summon Voldemort to destroy my enemies. (Alter egos that have enemies count: up to 2)
Most frequently seen at: Any social situation, secretly at work often
Speciality: The opposite of making new friends, instilling fear in the weak of spirit.

ALTERNATES: Beyonce, Ke$ha, studious actual good student, borderline insomniac, awkward internet personality, future cat lady of the year, professional nap-taker, and, once every three-four months, I turn into a hot girl (when I spend time on hair/makeup/wardrobe ALL AT ONCE).

I am a multi-faceted, interesting being. So, I hope we can maintain our beautiful relationship together. Because, hey, three-four times a year, I can bust out that hot girl alter ego. Until then, yeah, you'll get the crazy in the flannel pants. You're welcome.

Lesser known "statue" alter ego, nice to meet you

What I did when I wasn't blogging (or, alternatively: I'm back, bitches)

Here is a list of things I did while I wasn't blogging:

-was an asshole, sorry guys :(
-saw the Avett Brothers twice!
-met David Mayfield:
-applied to college Pt. 2
-went to Minneapolis once!
-got another tattoo, oops~*
-listened to "Countdown" by Beyonce an unnatural and unacceptable amount of times
-worked out a lot
-^^THAT WAS A JOKE
-actually, I ate a lot of Toppers
-watched the first two seasons of "The League" and, as of tonight, three seasons of "How I Met Your Mother" finally settling the debate: you guys, I am really, really white.
-made best friends with peroxide and now my hair is Viking queen/Malfoy blond, AS IT SHOULD BE.

BUT OKAY. Here's the truth. I didn't mean to take a hiatus. I have been in sort of a funk lately, and my humor gets really dark really fast in these times. (Ask anyone who has met me/been around me in a past month. I'm your strange combo blonde goth friend, nice to meet you.) My strategy has sort of been to just go to work and come home and exit those two places enough so people remember that I'm a person, which I think has been an overall successful mission. Anyway, I sort of figured no one would really notice that I wasn't blogging. And since I was a crazy/lonely enough child to develop having a narrative constantly running in my head, I didn't miss writing it down enough to make a huge effort. Is that a rude thing to say in the presence of my blog? Sidebar: sorry, bud.

SO now it's 3 AM and I am rambling on the internet again! Here's what's cute: a couple people did notice that I wasn't writing publicly and to you sweet, beautiful angels, I must say thank you. If it weren't for others telling me that they missed my writing and effectively inflating my ego juuust enough, this sparkling gem of a late night entry may not exist and you might have had to rely on my Twitter. (Never rely on my Twitter. If you look at Monday evening's tweets, you know more about that night than I do. Twitter will be how they find my body.)

Anyway, I love you all, thanks for reading. Yes, I am completely sober, just running on crazy and the fear that my dog might have learned to stab and might kill me at any moment. She has this crazy look in her eye and is bordering on senile. Trust is low. Here is a picture I took at the Avett show: