First Impressions and/or Worst Impressions

I am known amongst my friends as someone who is quite judgmental about seemingly random, highly specific things when I meet new people. Though this is something I continue to work on, I would like to take this opportunity to defend myself with some examples of major turn-offs and why they bother me so. So maybe I'm still being a judgmental ass, but at least you'll understand my logic? Eh?

SCENARIO: I ask, "What kind of music do you like?" They answer, "Oh, you know, anything but country."
LOGIC: It's a lie!!! You don't like ANYTHING but country! I know it in my heart as well as my brain. If you say this, you are essentially telling me that you are an ass. I normally reply to this lie with a lie of my own by acting offended and saying, "YEAH, WELL, Carrie Underwood is my idol!" Yeah, the only Carrie Underwood song I know is the one about ruining some dude's car (which seems excessively rude at best), but that's not the point. The point is, I feel like that statement is so holier than thou in and of itself to put literally every other genre of music above one extremely lucrative one. Now, I am by no means a country fan, but I'm also not a fan of Thai monks chanting (nor do I know if that's a thing that exists), so I would never say this statement. Also, I'm not an asshole.

SCENARIO: Friend of a friend, we're all going out tonight. They say something along the lines of, "I hope there are hot guyzzz there tonight!"
LOGIC: No shit. The verbalization of this makes me think you are kind of skanky, which is a bummer. I also cannot think of any occasion where I am preparing to leave for an evening and have thought, "Wow, I really hope there are only unattractive, boring people at this party/bar/event tonight! That would be great." Thus brings me back to my first point: No shit. This is hardly a deal breaker, but it definitely annoys me a great deal. Fun fact: Happens way more often than it should, perhaps adding to why it is on this list.

A LIST OF SELF-EXPLANATORY SCENARIOS:
Weak handshakes
When people shout "SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS" and are referring to alcohol and not warning of gunfire
"I can't eat that, I'm vegan" -- I can't talk to you, I'm American
People who don't like kittens (are probably serial killers DO NOT TRUST)
People who fist pump and consider it a legitimate substitute for dancing
The phrase "I would hit that" when it's not referring to Adam Levine (see Exhibit A)
Eye-contact averters when you clearly know the person
Probably other things

Exhibit A

(Shirtless photo would explode this blog. Google at your own risk.)

That felt good. Therapeutic. Now, for the sake of fairness, I will share some of my own oddly specific quirks that you are allowed to judge me on. Didn't think they were weird until recently.

Whenever I hear the word "drink" I think it is "dream". This one goes first because it has almost gotten me in trouble on countless occasions. Por ejemplo, last night at the bar I was asked, "Can I buy you a drink?" Normal question. However, I initially hear, "Can I buy you a dream?" Thus, I almost SHOUTED at the poor guy, "YOU DON'T HAVE THAT POWER!" before catching myself, realizing I am crazy, and answering appropriately. Is this an actual psychological thing? There's no way of knowing, because reading into it would take away from how funny it is... maybe only to me.

I am an extremely picky eater, based 98% on food texture. This one sort of explains itself, but has gotten me made fun of by most of my friends, and always my mom. (Who I just found out reads this bad boy--HI, MOM!! Stop making fun of me!! It's mean.) Like, I love orange-flavored things, but the texture of oranges weirds me out.

I am terrible at flirting. Which my mom also pointed out to me this week. (Be nicer to me, mom!!! I will call you out on the internet!! The two other people who read this blog are going to laugh at YOU!!) I blame this on two things. One, I had the same boyfriend all through high school, so prime obnoxious learn-to-flirt time was skipped. Never had to. Was lazy. Awesome at the time, kind of a bummer now. Two, I am kind of a weird girl to begin with. Woops.

I know all the words to ODB's "Got Ya Money". Yeah, I'm not ashamed of this at all. Just threw it in kind of to brag. Not sorry.

Hope that provided enough random facts about my psyche for one day. I refuse to read through this entry because it probably reveals a lot about me and self-discovery is for another time. 30 Rock is for now. Sometime this week I will be posting again with a theme entry that includes another playlist! Happy music fun times! Until then, goodnight, Mom and whoever else reads this.